i think i'm starting to become insane.
Brian Foo said EOYs have snapped his sanity string.
I think's mine's snapped too.

For some reason, I don't feel motivated to study. Although chinese o-levels are less than a month away.

For another, I've begun to sass my parents. I don't know how it happens. I was playing pokemon. i was pretty frustrated because of the kezillion zubats swooping around and the billions of krabbys creeping around seafoam islands. and i can't find lugia. so my mum came along, exclaimed to me what a messy person i am and told me off. she told me to file up all the waste papers (worksheets that were never done, fulscap papers which are inscribed with numbers, doodles and offensive portraits, etc, etc) in new files.

Pissed, I began to shoot my mouth off (ie.订嘴).

So, i managed to piss my mum off with (not surprisingly) ease.

but i ended up filing up all the shit anyway. waste my time. blearrh.

oh, and when the loose sheets flew about when the wind howled, i screamed fck you, do that again and i'll kill ya at the papers, but my mum didn't give me the wtf look like people usually do when you scream at inanimate objects for "hurting" you, giving you trouble, etc, etc. she just gave me the you-shouldn't-say-rude-words-and-behave-like-that-whatever-the-situation-is kind of look. I guess she's used to it already.

seriously, i don't fcking know what the fcking fck her fcking problem fcking is lar. when she sees something "messy", ie. papers kiapped in folders (at least i bother to), a stack of books higher than my knee (my legs are pretty short anyway), etc, etc, she tells me to file them up/keep them neatly. waste my time. waste anything from fifteen minutes to an entire evening.

i end up losing stuff because of that. like my ss notes (which i found the evening before ss eoys).

fortunately or unfortunately, that turned out to be the least of my problems.

right, we all know how badly i screwed up bio right? yah, it really is fcking retarded. more retarded than SOME PEOPLE can ever be.

for those who don't know what happened to me and my bio paper, kindly refer to the last post to see how fcked up it was.

anyway, when i was watching people play handball, i suddenly felt depressed. the sky looked bleak. my future seems bleak. black clouds again. so i told yi herng i might be depressed because of the sky. Look at the sky. It looks bleak.

then he told me to look at the bright side lar.

true. Although the sky looked bleak on my left, it seemed a pleasant day on my right.

freaky.

anyway, i told lok lam i was depressed.

wesley was a great source of comfort. thanks wesley.

lok lam told me, at least you're normal right. you can be depressed. i can't be depressed.

i was like. um. sure boh.

so. ll gave me a hint. he told me everytime he felt sad, he'd go emo.

then he'd find himself asking himself, "why am i sad?"

then he don't know what he's sad for. so he'd go happy again.

i think living life happy is way better living life sad. true! VERY true.


i admired how he gets back up again. his mood is like an exponential graph - always going up. mine is like a sine curve. i suppose. when i'm happy, i'd find myself thinking of something sad. then i'll *gloom* again. But when i'm sad, there's some source of comfort, either myself or a good friend. sometimes, telling yourself it's no good mulling over it, it's over already after all or why the fck should i fcking care? make this fcking problem get the fck out of my fcking life! i fcking wanna fcking live a fcking happy fcking life! or wallowing in self-pity helps for a while. Then there's always someone/something to laugh with/laugh at. like ll.

so, from this day onwards, i'll have to start learning from ll the key to becoming a forever-cannot-be-depressed kind of person.

so i'll (gladly!) call him --

leling师父！

so. yah. ive got to go now.
bye.