you know, i don't think i deserve a point of view in this, because i think i've been really selfish today. and impatient, and only thinking about myself. but to hell with that, i'd just go on writing this.
so this morning, i woke up like every day i do, discovering that i had fallen asleep the night before studying (or at least trying to). and like the recent days, i look at my clock.
7am.
shit, i muse, getting the hell out of bed. so, after the quotidian, everyday, mundane morning fiasco, i left the house at about 7:21am (phone clock). which was pretty reasonable timing, since i live like one mrt station away from my school. and though my place is hell of a long way to the mrt station (and yet, not really), i can rush it and get to the station within five minutes instead of the usual 10 - 15 (if i really take my time). and then, i passed by st gabriel's primary school like i always do.
and then, i meet the annoying people like i always do. the parents who drive their st gabriel's kids to school.
well, i have to cross the driveways. the first led to out of the school, and the next led into the school. now let me say this.
THANK GOODNESS FOR TRAFFIC RULES.
as we all know, when we wanna enter a main road from the exiting driveway of a building or estate, we hafta watch out for the other cars zipping one after another on the tarmac like the devil was after them and when we find an "opening", we pass through, turn (swerve for some people who just does stuff like that for kicks), and join in the shitload of cars zipping on the tarmac like the devil was after them. so, there would always be a queue of cars waiting for the guy in front of them to get-the-hell-into-the-main-road-you-damn-slow-bastard so they could wait their turn to get into the main road too after dropping their kids off like bird droppings in the school. this one was easy. no need for being hella annoyed, no need to be irritated. just walk like nobody's business in between two cars in that queue. after all, they're not gonna budge until the guy in front of them does. no kicks.
so, i crossed that driveway with almost no trouble at all. except that when i was halfway through walking in front of a car waiting his turn to get the hell into the main road, the guy in front of him got in there. and the vehicle moved, and stopped jerking a little like it was raring to go and was like telling me to hurry up you tiny piece of shit. the driver! does he/she give a fuck about whether they'd bang down an innocent teenager of sweet sixteen who's not half done with his education yet? i didn't stop walking. but i turned around and glared at the vehicle without caring whether the driving is looking back for a full five seconds. like i always do. damn bastard. wanna kill me is it? but, this kind of thing is normal. get this kind of shit everyday. so i just dismissed it. it's insignificant; majorly insignificant to what could happen after that. and i walked some more.
and i passed the drive-in; turn-in entrance of St Gabriel's Primary. the cars were entering non-stop one after another. as usual. but because i was in a rather impatient mood today, that pretty much pissed me off right away. let me pass you dipshits! HELLO there's a guy waiting, can't one of you just take the initiative, let the boy pass first? but, that can't be expected of them. you had to make yourself obvious to them, practically throw yourself in front of the next car in line. of course, to avoid sustaining any injury, your timing has to be on the spot. so, i practically threw myself to the next car in line after the car in front went and entered the school. the car behind me, thank goodness its driver has a conscience, jerked back right away so i could pass. but i still glared at the driver. annoying shits with no initiative. what's with the adult workforce of singapore nowadays anyway!
as i passed the overhead bridge outside the school, and as usual, had to pass a couple of domestic helpers bringing the kids to school. so, being smart, they walked on the inner side of the asphalt to be on the safe side. no, i don't have a problem with that. but them, and the kids they're bringing along! they take up almost the whole of the pavement. so, being the gracious Singaporean student i am, i let them pass as i twisted to get past them, keeping my balance in check so i don't end up falling like a clumsy idiot onto the tarmac where cars zipped by like the devil was after them and getting flattened into human paste. they don't pull the kids out of my way, knowing full well it's my responsibility to ensure i don't knock into the kids advertently or inadvertently or their parents will be hot on my tail and writing to forums in newspapers so my school would kena from them so i would kena from them and have to do something like 100 cip (ahem, ahem) etc etc. so anyway, i twist by, feeling like a ninja, like i always do. passing dangerously close to two public buses to avoid the pedestrians with kids in tow, i truly felt like a ninja, twisting to evade the buses (omg that's DANGEROUS) and the pedestrians (who gives a fuck about them anyway). but they don't even show the slightest bit of appreciation, and they don't pull the kids out of my way so i don't have to risk my precious life for them.
'cause they know i'm a ninja.
oh, GOODNESS. i am SO NOT A NINJA PLEASE. i always LOSE to band peeps in ninja.
whatever, that's irrelevant.
the best part is that they had these qian bian faces on that really deserves a slap or two which kind of gives it away that they don't give a fuck. not the slightest bit of concern! but, that's normal what. they're only accountable for the kids, not the idiotically gracious secondary student who's running late in front of them. like, so what if you kena knocked down by that bus. none of my business what. plus, it's your own fault for thinking you're a ninja and being stupid and hence ending up in the way of that *shiver* mechanical monster. they don't even appreciate my graceful, fluid, smooth ninja moves. but to hell with that, it's not the point. let's move on. (well, ain't this a fallacy now.)
so when i finally did cross the road, and when i finally reached the MRT station (finally!), i looked up at the signboard that says when the next train was coming.
MARYMOUNT 2 minutes.
(i take the train towards Marymount when i go to school.)
argh damnit! i don't wanna miss the train i've to wait hella long for the next train! so i ran, with my bag on. well, my running totally phails (man i really need a workout soon. later people tell me their grandma can walk faster than i run-.-) so i didn't run at full speed, just ran. but my side of the station is the lift entrance of the platform, which was so damn slow. i don't have time for the lift.
(here's a tip for the admins of lorong chuan mrt. oy friend, why not construct escalators at both sides of the platform? then i don't need to run one whole round to get to the escalator to reach the train faster 'cause my grandma can carry me faster than the damn slow lift.)
so anyway, i ran one whole round to reach the other side of the platform and rushed down the escalator. the doors were still open and i thought, YES IM GONNA MAKE IT!
and then, this kaopei guy walked out of the train and blocked my entrance to the train door.
i wanted to scream at him. scream at him to get the fuck out of my way damn it, i ran just to get to the train so i won't miss it! my instinct kicked in - when i see a person walking in front of me, my body's instincts are to stop and let the guy pass first, perhaps i'm instinctively gracious - i stopped.
and the doors slid back together, with a dull, soft, boom.
the guy looked over his shoulder and looked at me. i glared at him. i was about to say something when he just cocked his eyebrow at me and walked off with an air of indifference.
shit man, i hate that attitude. APOLOGISE you bastard. didn't your parents ever teach you manners?
as a result, i had to wait for the next train. people sitting around in the station were giving me weird looks, perhaps laughing at me inside. hmph, just try standing in my shoes right now. KEEP STARING! just keep staring. how typical of singaporeans.
thank goodness the next train didn't take so long to come. anyway, that girl i passed when i ran to catch the train saw me when she came out of the lift. she glanced at me and gave me a cold stare for a moment. then she turned and walked away. good thing she did. i would have walked up to her, ask her what's your problem slap her hard for a good measure if she kept staring. damn bitch. tch.
now, as we all know, the circle line was recently extended such that the Bartley end of the line continued to stretch from Bartley to Dhoby Ghaut. so now, there is a new influx of people and that made the station crowded. fuck that, i hate crowds. crowds that are made of individuals absorbed in their tiny little lives (including me). crowds who obviously ain't having any fun being in a crowd.
anyway, as usual, a whole lot of people came out of the train and made a beeline for the escalators. well, being in an impatient mood, i decided to go for the stairs instead.
okay. now, this is stupid.
when i came out top on the staircase, i found this whole shitstorm of people surging to me, like one whole crowd against one me. so i brushed past a lot of people who gave me those dirty looks again, the qian bian looks, and i wondered why they were all heading in the opposite directions with me and making my life so difficult.
that's when i realised i was the difficult one - those coming out of the platform, keep to your left. and i went, SHIT. i tried to get to the left, but i wasn't allowed to. damn! and here i am trying to be a good guy.
so anyway, i thought the second escalator was faster, so i took that one. but there was this idiot walking up the escalator in front of me was so hella slow! i wanted to just tell him to get out of the way, you're walking way too slow to be in front of me. join the standing people on the other side of the escalator if you're gonna be a bastard who walks so damn slow! so i stamped hard on the escalator to get his attention hello hello im behind you can you please fucking walk faster! he didn't change his speed. ah well, forget it. reached the top of the escalator already. drop it then. but i was still pissed off. so i proceeded to walk towards school.
the walk from J8 to school progressed without event. that is, until i reached the school gate at 7:42 am. and then i remembered.
SHIT MAN I FORGOT THAT CHINESE BOOK.
(there goes my four dollars.)
being the good boy i am, i immediately felt guilty. because i left it just like that on my table.
so, later on, during morning assembly, lindanwen asked the people who didn't bring the damn book to stand up, go stand in front. briefly, i considered pretending that i had the book and get away with it. but what about pride? i decided pride was more important. i forgot to bring it. okay, you win. i admit. stand in front lar! it's not just about honesty yo. it's bout PRIDE as well. i bet there are tons more people than everyone who stood in front this morning. i don't know about their pride, but let's drop that - i don't want to arrow anyone.
but, as it turned out, it didn't feel so great to be standing up there and looking at the sea of people who brought their books so that they wouldn't need to pay another 4 dollars. and their books were closed. well, never mind that. i would do the same if i did bring it. i think my standing posture and my look was a bit too defiant, teacher came along and told me to stand properly. so i stood properly.
as i looked back to the people at me, i picked out a few faces that i found particularly obvious - sticking out like sore thumbs. one was directly in front of me. looking up, giving an idiotic grin and laughing to himself. well, never mind him. another - stretching up slightly to get a better view of the teacher speaking, perhaps? - eyes shifted and roved over the line of standing people in front, then back to the teacher again - all this while, open-mouthed, an expression once described as uncouth. well, anyway, never mind that. and then what's that - a familiar face craning the neck below it, looking distinctly at the row of people standing in front? and another! and another! and then a pair of eyes - what's that? my imagination, of perhaps a glimmer of contempt reflected in the mirrors of one's soul?
and the best part is, these are people we spend time together with, talk to, smile with, laugh with, whatever - and about every single day. now i understand, why it's so annoying to stand up there and have people stare at you like a freak show, like some exotic beast which has recently made its arrival in the local zoo. in future, i shall not stare at people who are being punished up in front or in any other manner. we're all friends, there's no reason to make your friend feel uncomfortable at any point of time. we're so caught up in our own lives; running our best in this rat race to excel in academics and in future, rapidly ascend the corporate ladder or perhaps be one of the most eminent and significant persons of society. as such, with the quotidian hustle-bustle of daily life - forget being bothered by anything, there's barely time to breathe - we are so rarely called upon to be friends, so rarely called upon to be a source of comfort to others. are we really fit to call ourselves friends when we are, in fact, a source of discomfort to our "friends", even in the most intangible, insignificant ways?
perhaps one might say, i'm overreacting. another might say that i'm just being selfish. and yes, both are true. i'm overreacting and i'm being overwhelmingly selfish, as well as being a glaring hypocrite. but isn't it not too late to make a change? still, interesting how a mundane recount of a typical morning can become such a -*scrolls up and back down again* - hell of an essay would be an understatement. i wanna change. i don't wanna be such a pain in the ass any more. its such a pain in the ass to be a pain in the ass.
i wanna be a considerate, a nice, and a good friend. i want to be a source of comfort to my friends, i don't wanna be a source of discomfort to others. now actually, i don't know how my conclusion should look like because i've pretty much dried up already. so i think i'll just end lamely :/ i don't wanna be a pain in the ass to others, and i believe i can become a nice guy who isn't ever a pain in the ass to anyone at all. well, first i have to get rid of this habit of being stupid (like writing this instead of mugging bio). lucky the stuff i studied for bio is still in my head right now. and now i'd like to quote from DARYL. "go on, make a change." if we want to, we can stop being pains in asses. just; be more considerate. be a nice person to everyone you can possibly be nice to. be a source of comfort to everyone you can possibly be a source of comfort to. and hopefully, we'd have this one day when everyone is smiling, everyone is glad to be everyone's friend.
