now got people start asking me wtf is my problem ar, i really dno what is my problem leh.
people tell me i got pms.
people tell me to stop being sarcastic.
people tell me to at least sound sincere.
people tell me to shut up.
people tell me to show respect.
people tell me to be responsible.
people tell me to do my job well.
people who seem to have a great sense of humour suddenly seem touchy and can't take small jokes and are more concerned about what's on their fb wall and don't give a fuck about the other person's feelings.

everything was ok before. why is everything so wrong now?
it's really either the world's gone crazy or i've gone crazy.
and since the world can't go crazy all at once - just within a few weeks - then i'm the one who's gone crazy. who's become annoying and unreasonable and just screwing up all the time.

wtf. this goes on and they'll start telling me to shut up and screw off.

they say when the world gives you problems, the problems are always with yourself.
k so that brings me to the original question. what is my problem ah?
if i dno whats my problem how am i gonna change?
and there i am trying to change again. not here. everyone else is here. the rest of the world is here. im there. and everyone's trying to tell me what a pain in the ass i am, asking me wtf is my problem. shit, i hate this.

i'll always hate this. even if somehow i manage to get over it, get from there to here, change, problem solved, i would always. hate it. hate this feeling. of being a bother. who cant be reasoned with, who cant even do shit. always. because it makes me feel that the world would be better off without me. but i don't want to feel that, because God says its wrong to take your own life, the life God gave to you. And God's word is absoleute. And that bothers me cuz im not religious. At all.

Every time i cause a problem, screw up somehow - morally, socially - i try to lighten the blame on myself. And then it makes me feel screwedup cuz its like pushing the blame to someone else. At least, when i try to reason with my parents, that's what they always say. There you go again, they say. Making excuses. Pushing the blame to other people. when it's your fault. So next time something goes wrong, i'm the one at fault. and every time after that, and everytime before that. from the time i've been in my mama's womb, every thing that's gone wrong is my fault. yeah i should just think that. so i won't even bother to explain. sorry, its my fault. please, i take full responsibility. No, i cannot assure you that this will not happen again. Don't forgive me yet cuz i don't know when's the next time i screw up. hmm, yeah, sounds right. best.

in the past, when i screw up somehow, fumble, embarass myself, annoy people when i didn't mean to, i console myself by saying, well, this kind of thing happens to everyone once in a while!

but now im not so sure.

why i love music.

50% technique.
50% expression.
100% passion.

99% perspiration.
1% inspiration.
100% blood, sweat and tears.

- sounds like a lot of work, doesn't it.

Sometimes you lend me strength. You sharpen my focus, intensify my will to surmount a seemingly arduous task. You send my heart racing, send my blood raging, send adrenaline surging through my veins.

Sometimes you lend me your shoulder, so that I could lean on you. You calm my raging heart in the turbulent times of my adolescence. You make me want to stop, to forget the rat race and smell the lilies on the field. You take me into your warm embrace and soothe me, comfort me, caress me and the rest of the world falls away and it's just me, surrounded by you. I could forget my problems, I could forget everyone, I could forget the world. And it would be just you, only you.

You bring back memories. Happy ones, sad ones. Painful ones. Embarassing ones, that chill me to the bone. You make me lose the edges of myself, of the present. You take me away, take me from the world, and I waste in thought, lost in memory. With you flowing around me. I reminisce. I review my life, with you all around me.

Sometimes you fill me with frustration, with bitter disappointment. You make me want to hate myself, and you make me want to kick myself. You make me lose belief in myself. You make me want to give it all up, never mind, and you make me feel that no matter how much I put in I'm just bringing myself down, screwing up over and over again, and bringing my friends, and the people around me, and the rest of the world, down with me.

All the time, you make me want to go back to you again.

You know me. Nobody else really understands. It's you, just you, only you. You see me, and you see right through me. Nobody else can. I do like them, very much. But sometimes, they just don't get it, they don't see me, and I'm screaming silently so they can't hear me, and I'm not alone but I am alone - but you, only you get it. You understand. You see me, you see right through me. With you, I don't feel so alone.

You were there, when no one else was.
Thanks for being in my life music. You (Y). I love you.

2 more papers.

mcq! < 3

it's the third day of o levels and i am feeling all screwed up.

seriously speaking, i want to give up already. i don't even feel the remotest sense of wanting to study.

i faced the o levels on the 25th of october, glowing, full of hope, bursting with optimism.

and barely two days later, i am sulking, glowering at my notes, at my computer.
i listen to j-rock songs, and they make me feel better.
the surge of adrenaline that i feel during the papers is different.
that feeling of being paranoid.

but now i think.

calm.

composed.

i think air.

wind. moving air.

wind blows from a region of higher pressure to that of a lower pressure.

yes. wind. breeze through the exams, like wind.
and then kill yourself.


all the way.

she remembers my birthday!

1st o lvl paper tmrw!

whatever(:

lovelorn.

She stood away from me, tense, unpliant. Something was wrong. It did not feel right.

I attempted to put my hands on her arms. "Heart of my heart. Speak to me."

She threw my arms off and pushed me away from her. I felt sweat gathering around the edges of my ears. I felt uneasy, the way that I have never felt before around her. Keep calm, I told myself. Relax. Keep calm. Stay calm. Nothing is happening. Stay calm. Stay calm. "What's wrong?" I asked.

I looked at her, bathed in the dim glow of the street light. She was incandescent. I wondered what she was thinking, at this point. I thought about the adoration I bore for this luminescent creature before me, the burning desire to touch her, to hold her in my arms every time I see her. Here, now, it felt different. It was different. She fixed her gaze on me, and I felt like I was shrinking, cowering under her gaze, while she was growing bigger, ever more intimidating.

"Ernest. We should stop this." She was no longer looking at me.

All of a sudden, I felt cold. "What are you saying?"

She regarded me for a moment, her eyes bright, her lips taut at their corners. I found myself shivering involuntarily. I felt my heart palpitating faster, my breath coming out in shaky gasps. Fighting to keep my voice steady, I repeated, "What are you saying?" My words trembled, as if they were in their own earthquake.

"The two of us. It's not working out." She averted her gaze and shook her head once more. "It's just not happening." Her lips pressed together, she murmured, "It has to stop. Right now."

I felt as if something deep within me was falling, spiralling down into black nothingness. My throat was tight. I did not move, did not make a sound. A thousand demons were screaming in my ears. When she saw that I did not respond, she turned and walked away. I watched her leave, drifting further and further away from me. I watched as her shadow was swallowed by the bleak darkness of the night.

I stood in the spot, bathed in the dim glow of the street light, by myself.

Alone.


I closed my eyes and thought back.

I remembered everything we had together.

I remembered the warmth of her body I felt as she held me tight around my waist; her low voice in my ear; her gentle, tickling breath on my neck, all the homey pleasures that somehow made me feel complete.

I remembered the lingering, warm and pleasant kiss that we shared; and I wondered why. I wondered why she left me, dropped me like a rock.

I sat down. My bottom hurt, but I did not care, because I felt as if I was about to fall into pieces.

I needed her. I needed her arms around me, her caressing touch, her soft, tender piano fingers; I needed her silent support, I needed her to console me, like she always did when I was down. I want us to be together, when I was alone, to mumble sweet nothings into each others' necks.

Later, I would hold a heart, roughly cut out from paper, to a burning match. I would watch it glow, blacken and fade, curl into ashes. I would imagine my own heart do the same - blacken, fade and curl into ashes.

I would then fall into bed, and I would lie still, unmoving.

My eyes would burn with tears, because I still would not understand why.

I never would understand why she left me like this.

Alone, and lovelorn.

what does it feel like?


you are in heaven, it is nice and peaceful here. this is bliss. it is bright, the sky is a beautiful stretch of azure and it is pleasantly warm. Clouds drift lazily in the expanse of blue sky you are at the top, the golden age, the best years of your life. you are happy. the special people who remain close to your heart are happy. you hear the orchestra, the piano, the choir; and it is music. beautiful music. emanates from all around you. with so much passion and vibrancy. with love. with happiness. you feel light. you rise. you are afloat. you are aloft. you are flying, and the feeling is wonderful.

and suddenly

you are

falling

down


the ground yawns open lazily like the maw of an unfathomable beast that swallows you whole and



you watch, helpless, in mid-air as the clouds scatter; the sky rips open, and you see everything you have worked for, you have lived for, everything you loved, and they are crumbling, slowly but inexorably; they continue to crumble and suddenly they shatter. they break and they fall, in pieces, crashing all around your ears. your blood is thundering in your brain, you want everything to stop, pleasestopthisnomakeitgobackwhyisthishappening but nobody can hear you, everything is in pieces and falling, somebody is banging William Tell Overture on the keyboard but it transcends into something nightmarish, loud and ugly, and the choir's voices rise like the chorus of a million demented angels and the whole orchestra have gone insane, they are hitting their instruments, they are destroying them, everything is falling apart, there is a lot of noise, it is no longer beautiful - the sky, there is no longer a sky, but a vast, black space, an abyss, there is nothing there, it is empty, and dark, and it stretches forever. it is unbelievably fucking cold here, you are shivering, you want everything to stop, you call for help but there is no answer, nothing but the banging and thundering of the piano, the anguished voices of the deranged choir screaming and everything around you is falling, still falling, for ever falling; they are in pieces. everything you lived for, everything you loved.


falling


in pieces




and suddenly



the noise stops abruptly, and silence is upon you, deafening silence pressing on your ears, it is oppressive, no more noise, no more crashing, no more banging, no more screaming -

and suddenly you are screaming, you are in pain, you are in sheer agony, there is a thick sticky fluid filling your lungs and you can't breathe, you are choking, you are screaming in pain, but no sound comes out from your mouth. and pain erupts in your brain, it is intense and pounding. your heart throbs painfully - and suddenly you are alight, you are burning, you are aflame, and your chest rips open without warning, and your heart is no longer the myogenic muscular organ you know it is, but it is paper, it is burning, it fades into ashes. you are screaming, you feel everything dissolve and disappear, it is just you, you alone, you by yourself, you and nobody else, and there is nothing at all, and you can't go back, nothing changes, and you can't believe that everything is broken, everything is in pieces, everything is destroyed, and you can't do a single fucking thing to change it, because you are falling, still falling, falling for ever more. there is no love, no happiness, no hope, nothing -



the pain, the anguish, the emptiness. it suffocates you. your soul. forever.






you despair.

thanks kenneth for uploading on fb.

To His Coy Mistress

Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, Lady, were no crime
We would sit down and think which way
To walk and pass our long love's day.
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
Shouldst rubies find: I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood,
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow;
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, Lady, you deserve this state,
Nor would I love at lower rate.

But at my back I always hear
Time's wingèd chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song: then worms shall try
That long preserved virginity,
And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust:
The grave's a fine and private place,
But none, I think, do there embrace.

Now therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may,
And now, like amorous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour
Than languish in his slow-chapt power.
Let us roll all our strength and all
Our sweetness up into one ball,
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Through the iron gates of life:
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.

-Andrew Marvell

my little fantasy.

Night has fallen.

We are in my room. It is messy. Books are stacked higgedly-piggedly on a table. Loose sheets of paper are strewn haphazardly on the floor.

She looks into my eyes, and I into hers. I fix my gaze in her eyes, and stretch. I reach for the lock on the door. I grasp it and turn. A resonating click interrupts the silence between us. I relax and take her hands. She continues to gaze into my eyes.

We are very close to each other now. She moves up the last half inch so that our lips could touch.

We kiss. Warm and pleasant. I hold her; one hand runs through her soft, sweet-smelling hair.

We fall onto the bed. I am holding her head, touching her, feeling her, kissing her. I feel myself burn with passion for her. Adrenaline surges through my veins and blood thunders in my brain. She feels so solid, so real. I want to hold her close, and never let go.

We begin to strip off each others' clothing. Very soon, we are under the covers and naked. I am above her now. I feel the muscles in my arms tense as I hold myself above her. I nose her breasts and lick her nipples. I bite her lip briefly, and brush my cheek against hers.

"Eat me up." I breathe onto the curve of her ear. I lower myself slowly towards her; I want to make this last.

A thought, rising and quivering like a bubble, finds its way into my mind - I shouldn't be doing this to her -

But I do not hesistate.

I slide firmly and steadily into her. I feel a rush of exhilaration; I push deeper. I am in rhythmic motion: push and pull, push and pull. I feel her smooth, firm skin heat up and flush with colour. She is gasping; I feel her breathing hard. I feel her heart race. My own heart banging madly against my ribcage, I pause and kiss her shoulder. "Does it hurt?" I whisper. I push myself up and place a finger on her clitoris. I move the finger, slowly and deliberately. She gives a soft cry; my finger gives way to wet and empty space.

She takes my hand away and pulls me towards her. "It's wonderful," she breathes back.

"Blow me away," I respond, and we are wrapped together in a tight embrace. We move with insane vigour, and I feel intense pleasure rising in me like lava. I move spontaneously, spurred on by some primal, animalistic drive, and it just feels so good. I could not stop; it just keeps getting better.

The pleasure is peaking, and I can hear her breathing faster and harder. My movement is now rapid, and it just keeps getting better and better and -

Fireworks pop before my eyes, and I feel drained; but immense pleasure floods me like it never did before. I shudder involuntarily and tighten my grasp on her. She wraps her arms tighter around me as liquid leaks out from me and into her. I fall limp onto her. We are both bathed in sweat and panting. I roll over so that she could lie on me.

I wrap my arms around her warm, sweat-streaked body. We lie under the covers, our bodies pressed together. I am exhausted, but I tilt my head upwards and brush my lips against her cheek. "Let's stay like this," I murmur, and drop back onto the bed.

She smiles, nods tacit agreement, and we stay like this for a long time.

i feel like shit right now.

care and share.

so i was wondering what to do with myself after the half day because of teachers' day celebrations.
i went down to the library in town, and ran into wee kiat and jin hong. after being a complete idiot by walking up and down the stairs looking for the nonexistent unoccupied table above ground level, ran into my good friend wesley. he was hunched over a couple of ss notes. we walked up and down the stairs and, when it dawned upon us that there was no table whatsoever that we could study on, we gave up and then i ran into my old friend tze chao. surprise, surprise. we still recognize each other. so i suggested going down to the children section. wesley questioned it. so i was like "ok i pretend to be the kid and you be my dad and you're gonna teach me calculus". we found wee kiat and jin hong and we settled down at the multimedia resource table, having conveniently taken two extra stools from nearby pillars. it was ok because i was doing polynomials, and the trig question that came after that was okay enough. wesley taught me how to use basic angle. thanks wesley. barely a question later we were chased away by a librarian from the table. i thought, nobody's using the computers what, so why can't we use the damn table? no matter, wesley and i moved to one of those tiny tables meant for kids. and we did maths there for about an hour. as time passed, more and more people came down to the children section to mug. LOL. so there was some inspector walking around, holding a clipboard and shooed us away. "the children's section is reserved for parents and children, no self-studying allowed" fuck, the section's about empty anyway, and there's barely any space upstairs to mug so share share la! cannot share ar?

what the hell lor. whatever, next time, du lan them.

i want to be a normal person,
living my normal life,
minding my own normal business.

not mugging my sweaty ass off because of some stupid exam.


actually, normal means having healthy, wonderful sleep, whistling-when-you-work, being a complete nuisance, having hearty meals, blasting music, singing/screaming at the top of your voice, downing drinks one after another, hanging out with friends, complaining loudly about the quirks of life and making a mountain out of a molehill and living like there's no tomorrow. And sex. Don't forget the sex.

not mugging your sweaty ass off because of some stupid exam.

this morning.

was a half-day. teacher's day celebrations.
we were allowed to come in anything we like.
well, except coming in nothing, i guess.
so i just grabbed some shorts, my bigass Quicksilver shirt, my jacket, some socks and my shoes.
i had a horrid cold shower but my dad offered to send me to school.
i said ok, and reached school at 7:28.

I LIKED LOK LAM'S SHIRT.

someone noticed my damn cool helicopter headphones.
which sucked compared to my old one.
the plug kept falling out of the jack.

everything seemed sleepy until,
we realized Zhen Yu managed to get his hands on some doll that resembled a woman with C-cup to D-cup boobs, an open mouth, quite a big ass and ... okay, a bit too much details? BUT. the best part about this doll was, when it was squeezed, the sound it made sounded like a sex moan. it caused much amusement in our class. after a while, people took to pressing the doll multiple times in rapid succession. doing this does not allow the doll to finish one moan. moan continuously and rapidly, like being banged hard and fast. (i know im not pure, but hey, that's a fact. sex is taboo here in Singapore. that's probably why we keeping harping about it. blame the upstairs people for not giving us good sex ed. well, i've read recently in the news that the government has been happy about the sex ed we're getting for years, but news flash: sex ed questionable? oh well. not like i care. it's not my problem anyway.) then, someone came up with the idea of giving it to our nice english teacher. nice IP Man. so, we went down to the plaza for morning assembly.

that's when there was a bit of solemn news.
well, i'm a bit reluctant to illustrate my thoughts through this bit of news.
so let's just say there are a few rigid old people out there who's so hipped about behaviour.
let me give it straight to your face - i consider that stupid, rigid and narrow-minded.

yes, people consider the word offensive.
apparently, some bastards out there feel that it's a crime that warrants butt-flaming.
well, the guy was an idiot to scream an expletive out loud in an attire which makes his link to a certain institution crystal-clear in the first place. even i think that was stupid. want to say vulgarities in public, wear some normal clothes so that it won't affect others! spoil my mood some more. i do feel sympathy for the guy, screaming vulgarities is something i do everyday. i can't help it, there's at least one thing that upsets me everyday. life ain't perfect. nothing is. otherwise it can't get better. well so nothing's perfect, much less any day of the week. of the month. of the year. of the century. of your life. and especially when the situation is VERY upsetting, a string of obscenities just comes pouring out of your mouth. oh yes! blame it on the media! western influence! that's what we chinese do anyway. any problems with the young people? blame it on the ang moh. one thing i can say is, problem is with sense of restraint. whatever, that's enough of finding fault with myself, let the flaming of other people begin.

these people that complain.
ah well, can't really blame them. complain complain complain. 'dis singaporeans. whole day only know how to complain. complain some more! some more! SOME MORE!

well, the guy who kena butt flame, HE started it.
BUT my problem is not with him.
MY PROBLEM IS WITH the KNNBCCB who confirm the guy is going to kena butt flame.
i find that guy sickening. i don't know him. perhaps if i did, i would be more forgiving. but because i don't know him, i find him sickening. despicable, detestable, SICK TO THE CORE. i don't want to put myself in that guy's stinking shoes,

because if i did,

I call myself a FUCKING HYPOCRITE to my face.

cause vulgarities are something i use everyday. i can't say much against using vulgarities without being a filthy hypocrite.

what went through my head was, must be some old bigmouthed gossipy aunty with nothing better to do. as i said before, i find this person stupid, rigid and narrow-minded. what the guy who kena butt flame did was stupid, and it was offensive, therefore inconsiderate. but hear this, he was no more inconsiderate than the old bigmouthed gossipy aunty.

ok, so this comment which i put up on facebook should nicely summarise what i want to say.

no, it's just sad. people go around using vulgarities because they're upset with the little quirks of life. i don't see anything wrong about that. it's just that some people with nothing better to do go and butt-flame people for doing so. even though the guy is pretty stupid to scream an expletive in school attire, i can't help feeling that the person who lodged a complaint in the first place is a filthy hypocrite who refuses to abandon their old ideas about being conservative and has nothing better to do. where the hell has freedom of speech gone? people don't understand the extent of how much you feel if you don't express it fully. and you have nothing much to vent your frustration on. a vulgarity doesn't damage, doesn't lower efficiency, it's not illegal, doesn't pollute, doesn't contribute to global warming, and it doesn't kill. why be so hipped on this kind of thing, i don't really get it. just be happy, it doesn't matter, vulgar or not. i think the guy should sincerely apologise though. he ruined not just his reputation, but ours as well. he's an idiot to not know that one screaming a single expletive in school attire will fire off at least ONE complaint; some people - all they can do is complain. come to think of it, it's lucky there's only one complaint. i don't like it cause it was like forced. if the guy regrets it and he's killing the bastard who got him into this shit with a chainsaw in his head over and over, i don't think i would mind so much.

i'm leaving the part about the library to the next post.

prelim 3 starts tomorrow.

actually, now that i really think about it, i think i'll actually like going around doing community service if it wasn't for cip hours and just for cip hours.

same old books,
same old exam,
same old shit.

if this goes on, i hate my life.

when i say i want you, i mean i want your mind, your body and your soul.

depressed;

implications upon implications.



oral theme: library/reading.

convo question:
1. tell me about a task you failed to complete on time.
2. technology has made books redundant. do you agree?


nerves,

screwed up.


but at least i got the pretty face teacher who look sian at first to nod and smile (:
wah lau, my turn to be sian.


ps.lost my earphones. fuck it man.

well gang, there's good news and bad news.

1. my English O-level Oral Examination is in two days.

good: i still have two days to practice and absorb whatever i can.
bad: i only have two days to practice and absorb whatever i can.

2. my shirt is getting too small (now that i really think about it, n1 peiqi).

good: i am growing.
bad: i somehow have to get away with not being able to button my collar on thursday.

3. my dad's getting addicted to ice-cream.

good: i get to eat ice-cream every day.
bad: I'll get fatter than i am now.

(my dad getting fat is totally none of my business).

4. i have a whole shitstorm of 5702 syllabuses to study for.

good: the urgency of the situation makes me want to mug my ass off.
bad: the very daunting amount of stuff to study for dampens my will to study.

5. i now sleep more.

good: i get more rest.
bad: i spend less time studying.

6. i am blogging nonsense now.

good: i am getting points off the top off my head means i can crap my way through during oral.
bad: i am not studying.

there's a lot more good/bad news, but to hell with those. that's why i don't take history. why dig up the past, when you have the precious, momentous present to focus on and a whole fucking future ahead of you to determine?

speaking of future, i need to have a bigger knowledge pool for olevel oral.
i think i'm gonna absorb more information from political speeches now.

http://www.pmo.gov.sg/News/Speeches/Prime+Minister/

i'm not the IT type so just copy+paste if you wanna read onto the address bar.
jy for o level oral.
especially 4-5! jiayou people! 2 days for us, ten minutes for each of us to show the examiners what we can do! and, to quote from kianhee, "a stepping stone for your a1!"

oh and, i'm also practicing oral by reading chem texts aloud until i fall asleep.
ORGANIC CHEM whoo~

ciao.

LOL.

changed blog url.

sorry to be such a bother people, but i wanted to change my blog URL. i don't mind if you're not gonna bother to relink.

so, p6 gathering today.
only 6+1 of us turn up.
gathering what gathering, please lor.
7 people out of one whole class, can do shit ar.
but anyway, was quite ok.
had fun (:
cept, that cute girl last minute cannot come.
say what, her mum don't allow.
i think is also she because she see i coming.
so she scared that i go and do stupid stuff to her again or what.
(i'm trusting you people to not xiang wai over here.)
so, her "mum don't allow", just an excuse lah.
but heck la. as my good good friend said, for all we know she's having her menses today.
so, heck.
studying, and planning to mug my ass off tomorrow.
(though my ass will still probably be on me by the end of the day.)

...

ciao.

long time no blog.

well, hello there!



okay i know this video is damn old but. :/
pcps 6C gathering tomorrow. yay!
well, i wanna hit on this cute girl from my p6 class but
yeah, i'm pretty scared she has a boyfriend already, she's so cute.
well, whatever, i'm doing this because i don't want my blog to die.
till after O's then, i guess.
ciao.

Edvard Munch - The Scream

(Y)
credits to wikipedia.com

sec 4 life sucks.

FUCK whoever moved the piano to right outside the band room door.
seriously, FUCK YOU.
get the instrument back in its place soon.
just do as you're told mutherfuka.

some like it hot.
some like it cool.
i like it...lukewarm.

DIE

you stupid shit

time flies when you're having fun.

):

three and a half more hours and my little holiday is over.
tomorrow, script check.
it's gonna be fatal, but i'll survive (:

it pays to be paytient, don't it?
i'm gonna get my freedom in 4 months.
which just might come pretty quick.
in a flash, i'd be sixteen.
let's hope it comes quick.

i'll hope for the best.
script check tomorrow, my friends.
don't die. (:

hey there.

life is beautiful.
don't tell me what to believe.
don't tell me how life is, cause i don't really wanna know.
better still, let's end it here and now so i don't have to see how it goes.

~

"I have a better chance of lightning striking my balls than to be with her." - RJ Berger

whoa, that's so true. for me anyway -.-

random:

gotta love L.

so, i considered putting this as my blogsong.
should i put it as my blogsong?
still, my current blogsong is more er meaningful! :D

prelim 2 ~reviews~

the big overview of the thing?

IT SUCKED.
like some shit.
all the papers.
i am so not gonna get away with those shit results
which is promised to come back after World Cup.
so focus groups, here i come.
(my mum just walked in and told me i suck lol.)
don't listen to what she says.
i rock. :D
but anyway, my results gonna be fucked up.
ARGGGHHH.
now why do i say so?
let's take a closer look.

- Engrish -
(not gonna talk about oral)

paper 1.
i wrote a narrative on the one word topic
like i always do,

"change".

but, the first thing that came to my mind was,
a cliche plot.
fortunately or unfortunately, i have recently acquired the habit to say/write the first thing that comes out in my mind.
by the time i realised the plot sucked, i had already spent the first half hour of the paper writing it. so i went on writing anyway.
but it took far too long to get to the climax.
and when it came down to the last half hour of the thing,
i panicked cause i've not started on the letter.
end up, i didn't finish both.
really, i felt like crying.

paper2.
comprehension.

i think this one went pretty well,
cause i was determined to do good on this one
cause i screwed up paper 1 so bad
though, my summary sucked.
oh well.

- BIOLOGY -

basically this one sucked cause
i didn't study my hardest for it.
i mugged my ass off for the bio eoy last year,
and i ended up leaving one whole bookelet out,
thus resulting in the loss of 25 marks.
stupidity -.-

the paper was pretty simple,
if you did study.
but it was a shame cause
i didn't study much for bio.
shit ._.

- E MATHS -

so, i think i can do well for paper 1 for this one.

easy questions, all of 'em done with ten minutes to spare.
well, except one.
in which, in a moment of desperation,
i filled in with the "alternate segment theorem"
cause i couldn't think of anything else.
whatever, it's just 2 marks.

paper 2 was killa.

the first question gave us a golf ball.
here, all i have to worry about is accuracy.
thank goodness they gave us a formula list.

i solved the next question with algebra.
with 47% probability of getting it right.

after loads of skipping and inward swearing,
i gave up on the six mark question on the cans
and went on to the graph.
so my graph seems okay,
think i'd get six outta seven for it.

so, there goes another paper
with GG slapped onto my face.

- Social Studies -

basically this one sucked cause i gave up on it.
during the exam week, on monday night,
i gave up on the essays out of pure frustration,
and put "imma sleep now. ss, you can go and die" as my fb status.
well, something like that.
after having stuffed some shit in about
korean war, singapore's defence shit
which i don't give a shit about.
SS, stupid subject.
compulsory, its propaganda.
bloody hell, why dyou think they made it compulsory?
its fucking PROPAGANDA!
its stuffed from top to bottom with fucking propaganda bullshit!

okay, that was harsh.

so anyway, source based was on north korea, south korea and US r/s.
what the hell, dude. what the hell.
like i give a fuck about politics.
dirty politics.
im so not gonna get involved.
leadership's all about politics.
fuck politics.

so anyway, i spammed on sbq like i usually do,
until i had it longer than my seq.
i didn't hold much hope for seq anyway.
the deterrence/diplomacy,
everything i studied on it was clear off my head.
so, fuck that.

globalisation, i didn't even touch.
so that one, die even more than the deterrence/diplomacy one.
so overall, die.

my mum just came in and threatened to take my computer away.
fuck that lar, let me live my life. i like what.

so anyway, ss can go and die lar.

- Chemistry -

i didn't work my hardest for this one;

having totally forgotten about the mcq tests on edulearn,
i did the 10 year series.
a little of the 10 year series.
and it left me pretty disturbed cause
my organic chem and a lot other stuff cannot make it
so i didnt wanna do.

anyway, mcq was badass.
spent like 1 whole hour on it.
ended up not finishing the paper,
don't wanna talk about it any more.

- Pure Geography -

i had a lotta pressure on me for this one,

cause i went together with loklam, jacob and weihao
for mrs goh's little lesson.
i chose natural vegetation.
naturally, cause its easy. easiest topic ever, out of the whole geog syllabus.
and i chose food, cause i didnt touch tourism.
turned out to be a good choice, tourism got 2 LDQ lol. :D
i don't know whether i'll do well or screw up.
human geog, >50% of screwing up.
physical geog, <50% of screwing up.
nice balance huh. -.-
scared ._.

- Additional Mathematics -

same as e maths, paper 1 easy, paper 2 die.
okay lah, paper 1 QUITE easy.
after all, i'm still unsure about the trigonometric identites question
and the differentiate hence integrate question.
well, whatever.

paper 2, die.
setter, ee ah hong.
i didn't bother myself about that
i didn't even see the setter when i started the paper.
i only realised, when yx posted it as his fb status.

so anyway,
i skipped the entire geometrical proof question.
i skipped part of the kinematics question.
FOR GOODNESS' SAKE, WHY MUST IT INVOLVE TRIG?
so, die lar. :/

diediediedie DIE BITCH!

- Elective English Literature -

Last paper for the term.
i think i might actually do well for this one.
i did the character essay.
the one about the 2 adult women of Maycomb.
i wrote about alexandra and maudie.
i couldn't recall much about maudie.
but well, what i wrote should do.
didn't quote much ):
i quoted abit more about alexandra.
intheend, managed to fill in about 2.5 pages.
that's one and a quarter sheets of paper.

the unseen, i did alot better for the first question.
cause i couldn't finish the second question.
LOL.
so what i learnt is,
no matter what,
for lit,
JUST KEEP CRAPPING!
at least you'd get something out of it.

bahhhhhh~

so, my nightmare.
consisted of, a spider crawling up my pillow,
then it went to a corner and changed into a bird,
and ate fish,
then it flew across my bed and it changed into a cat,
and then it changed into a tiger,
and backed me to a wall.

great, a newfound fear for tigers.
-.-

dear diary,

today i shitted in the toilet, and my shit came out in a smiley face.



Well, its not that i care about that more than the face that i'm supposed to study now.

im actually resorting to ace learning to read up on my long forgotten (forrotten) emaths theorems.

and ive barely started memorising ss essays.

i just hope i don't fall asleep before im done.
will review the papers next week?
walau, cannot write hawaii and pop liao.
sian :/

i think;

the older i get, the less i care.
the less i care, the happier i feel.

i must confess,
i don't have a favourite subject in school.
i don't like everything we learn.
it's all so troublesome.
especially languages cause they seem so pointless

anyway, my ability to conquer my subjects will be put to the test
next week, prelims 2.
from monday 21/6 onwards.
be it, an ability (hopefully) or an inability (let's hope it won't turn out this way.)

two days.
it's two days to prelim two,
and i feel so listless.

i am in no mood to study.
totally. not at all.
i fall asleep when i really try to study.
or, i drift to something else...
like pokemon.
last night,
i meant to stay up
to swallow the ss essays.
but i ended up
playing my POKEMON EMERALD.
i feel stupid now.

and what's worse,
i still have english homework
and a whole other shitload of stuff to mug.
seriously, GG already.
what i can do now,
is to mug my hardest,
and hope for the best.
mug my hardest?
when i'm in no mood to study?
THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN?
fat chance.
i'm not sure, perhaps i'd get the push by the start of next week.

my brother and sister both took the GCE O Levels.
yes, my sister was from RGS.
but, there was no IP programme at that time,
so she still had to take care of her assessments.
she'd been mugging her whole school life
from P1 till Sec4 (and this would go on)
so the big O didn't pose much of a problem to her.
she breezed past that big O bstacle.

whereas my brother
barely got through
and my parents said he "woke up" in June.
now is June 2010.
i wonder when i'm gonna wake up.
perhaps now is a good time.
and that is why,
my mum didn't want me to
commit so much to cca.

...

a can of baking soda. i cannot eat that.

...

or...

...can I...?

im supposed to be studying now, so bye.

beyblade!

PAISEHH ._.

walau, i feel damn paiseh today ._.

first, im sorry lok lam for not calling you to make sure you've woke up at seven am (even though, it's not my fault la.) anyway the LOL fail on the wall was referring to
your morning wake up early early for geog FAIL. and, you damn lame leh. :/

next, im sorry the rest of my geog budbuds that i didn't say i would be having a class with weihao with mrs goh today. little bit of misunderstanding on my part. sorry dudes :/ especially jacob. sorryyyy ._.

anyway my geog ended at like eleven something so weihao and i went to mcdonald''s for quarter pounders. weihao and a double and i had mine small cuz i didnt have much appetite. by some magic or something, when i set my tray on the table, my cup of milo toppled and crashlanded on the floor. SOME milo leaked out at first but the whole cover gave way (get real, it's plastic.) spilling the whole drink on the floor.

so anyway i was left standing like an idiot over there going "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF~~~~" and weihao looked astonished by the sudden appearance of milo on the floor.

i felt guilty straightaway.

so anyway, the aunty made her way to the spot and cleaned up the mess. and i went to get another cup of milo. the aunty at the counter was laughing good-humoredly at me, that made me feel even more guilty. plus, something about the floor suggested that it has recently been mopped. the guilt cut whatever that was left of my appetite by a huge lot - i was playing with my food rather than eating (though i was done faster than weihao.) so here's sorry to the mcdonald staff in j8 for the extra work and thanks for the graciousness. really, PAISEHH ._.

the rest of the day passed by without event, oh but um sorry my maths tuition teacher, for making you hold my water bottle hostage. and um, i'd TRY to get there on time on sunday, means i will wake up early :D oh and, i got myself a bottle of milk tea before class and, i held in in a death grip for fear of the repeat of the incident in mcdonald's - this time, the floor is carpeted. well, lucky. no spillage occured. *phew* and, i have a better aim than glendon - got it in the bin in one shot. WHOOO~

so i went back home. after dinner and some time in the bathroom,
i laid around for a few minutes and then i got round to looking through the ss revision kit.

3 essays later, i fell asleep.

anyway, i just woke up.

so i went to my fwen's blog.
now you people know that the name i use in my tagbox is "admin" all the time ._. so now i kinda forgot to change my name to my own so it came out as "admin" on her tagbox. so once the stupidity is committed, i felt even more paisehh and so dumb! ARGHHH.

paisehh lar, today. im sorry to everyone i've let down or inconvenienced. ._.
contrite little boy here. don't make me cry. D:

my bag is becoming a black hole.

seriously, stuff that i put into it disappears to nowhere.
its like a portal opens up at midnight or something and sucks up something
into an abyss
thus making it dematerialize.
forever.
and somehow, its favorite stuff to take is my bio notes.
it took my original copies of my chapters 18, 20, and 22.
now its taken away my photocopied copy of chapter 22.
oh, great ._.

and, i realised, not too long ago,
i still have yet to hand in my report book.
AHHHHHHHH shoot.
i wonder what's gonna happen.
for sure, its gonna be interesting.
i wonder if i can call myself a good student anymore.


random: ... mmm ... tastes SOOO good ...

so, i guess that's all
i better continue studying geog.

this made me laugh on the mrt.

so, i was studying my bio stuff on the mrt cause i realised i haven't started on bio when i left for maths so i brought my notes along.

and when i was looking at chapter 10 respiration, THIS song started playing.
its just a little song about a sucker and his souped up car.

the lyrics are hilarious, i was practically shaking with laughter as i stood there with my face buried in my notes, because i pretty much figured out i'd look an idiot standing there and laughing for no visible reason.
i guess i'm just sensitive to funny things.
today just came and by without event. not really special.
well, on days that aren't really special, i tend to make multiple posts.
i noticed. :D
oh, and i mistook that string on my jacket for one of my earphones.
thank goodness i realised before i stuffed the thing in my ear.
the plastic was cracked.
OH, OH! there was a cute girl sitting right in front of me. she wasn't facing me though, only when she glanced at me and my fwen glendon. for a mere split second. blearrh -.-
man, keep your eyes on me girl!
i guess that's probably why i couldn't really concentrate on my maths.
my teacher pointed out to me all the silly mistakes there that cost me a question.
she told me i really sleeping already.
well, whatever :/

oh, and i realised i've not handed in my report book.
arrgghhhhh shit :/

have a good evening everyone.
live the night right, go burn midnight oil WHOO~
let the flames of mugging burn ever so brightly! :D

105th post.

courtesy of andwelove.wordpress.com
yes, this is a crow.

Now for some reason, the image of a crow keeps popping up in my head.
well, it's not like that's my problem right?
so dear crow, if you wanna waste your time staying in my head, be my guest.
you won't find anything in there that's of use to you anyway.
unless, you wanna be a big hindrance to humanity
by pecking away at a powerful human brain.
(thus minimising the efficiency of one of the most intelligent beings in the world).
which, i would naturally assume, is your intention.
now thanks a lot, but imma mug now,
in all seriousness.
as much as i love chatting,
i've told friends im busy mugging.
so i better really be busy mugging.
so bye.

...

stupid crow -.-

i feel guilty.

:/

IM SO PWETTY.

aint i.

102nd post.

so, this is my favourite cynaide and happiness short so far. (heck the spelling errors.) i've also taken a liking to psychostick, their songs are funny^^

and, i came across this mv that reminded me of 2-2. somehow. its called "show me your genitals". ring a bell, 2-2 buds? i'm not gonna post it here. cause though its funny, it sucks. so just go look it up yourself on youtube if you wanna take a look. and then there's this~~




don't get horny ah.
okay, imma um...POKEMON! now.
i guess. i should study.
okay, study.
whatever lahhhh

major update.
first, i changed my blogsong.
song name - the dumb song - psychostick
then, i changed the template.
and then, i changed the layout.
and, just to be annoying, i made sure the dog was wagging its tail into the posts.
well, Blue wags his tail regardless of whether he finds his Clues or not does he.

hahaha, i've taken a liking to cynaide and happiness shorts.
i've got an essay to write, so...i really shouldn't be here.
byebye :D

100th post!

this is a spastic looking white tiger, a product of inbreeding.
yeah, its kinda sad.
thanks mr goh for the interesting bio lesson today.
though, i didn't really study for the mcq test :/
but hey, i stayed up till 2 last night to figure out the worksheet kay.
still, the only part where i managed to get right is the question asking for a summary of the synthesis of proteins.
and i still mentioned extra stuffs that weren't needed but anyway._.
i stayed up till 2+am to finish the worksheet yo!
though i admit, i had one whole week to finish it.
well, i wouldn't have to stay up till 2 to finish the worksheet if i didn't lose the dang thing in the first place :/

so anyway, this is the 100th post on romantic-stalactite.bs . happy 100th post my dear blogg! ^^

I intended to wake up at 5:20am today, but i ended up waking at 6:30am anyway.

so today, we had this interesting bio lesson on impact on ecosystem, which wasn't really new (cause i take geog). though, it was interesting.i loved the spastic looking white tiger. though its kinda sad. made me feel spastic myself though, cause the lesson wasn't so dry (unlike the past few chapters on cell division and inheritance and DNA and whatnots, yawnyawn) and i was giggling throughout the lesson. practically shaking with laughter, HAHAHAHAHA. but the funny stopped when it came to the worksheet, cause it ain't really funny when you spend one day plus over a bloody worksheet and you get half of the damn thing wrong. ain't it. and the mcq test, cause i didnt study (i decided to trust my memory) dunno whether say easy or hard. :/ oh well. that's what you get when you don't study ._. so study okay people. STUDY!

so after bio, there was a "relax" chem session. it was, sort of, because all we had to do is the section A of one paper. and it ain't really that hard cause after every answer you write you can always glance up at the answer sheet and fill in whatever's missing (: so after that was like eleven thirty already, and i decided to study. so i grabbed lunch and went to the study area above the grandstand.

I TRIED TO STUDY. I REALLY DID.

but i couldn't. i was doing the emaths distinction questions and there's one really simple one asking for the similarity of triangles. in a circle (: and i was stuck there spacing out when the AAA similarities due to angles in the same segment were right smack in my face.

out of the 2 - 3 hours i spent "studying", about half the time was spent spacing out, chatting with guochang(: talking to chaoqun (: and gerald (: and taking loooong walks to the piano outside the band room, play it and to the canteen but no stall was open so i went back...and sit back down...do something...and again. then, i get really restless. after each addmath question i rest my head on the table and "sleep" for 2-3 minutes (as if that is considered "sleep".) and then i walk to the ledge/parapet/WHATEVER! and gaze into space, and i watch the ncc people doing some stuff with their rifles and watch the scouts at the grandstand doing idunnowhat, and watch that noisy machine peel up the rubber track for some idunnowhat reason. so i decided i wasn't being productive at all, so i went home. and, that was my day.

ARGH, why am i blogging about today, i still have 2.5 days of hawaii and pop to blog about. i feel guilty :/ okay okay. next time! (:

just let me say one last something! :D

people who don't know me, don't know me.
people who know me, but don't really know me, think im still a kid.
people who know me pretty well, know i've got leg hair.
people who really know me, know i've got leg hair and that i'm nice.
people who really know me really well, know that i've got leg hair, i'm nice, and that i'm still a kid inside. :D

get the difference, haha. (:
awww man. being critical sucks D:
forget it, i shouldn't be so stiff about who knows me and who's my friend and whatnot. LET'S ALL BE FRIENDS OKAY :D

im really signing off now. i need dinner.


and then, i need to mug.
good nights everyone.
enjoy your evening.
study hard! (:

well, deleted my blogsong.
will be finding one to put up soon
im really sorry but i have to mug now -

oh wait, she's online.
forget mugging, i'll go talk to her :D

and, i forget to mention the key point.

well, probably due to what happened the past few days, MY PAPER HEART by the all american rejects kept ringing in my head. i love it when the song sings how i feel. awwwww :/

so naturally, i sang along.

Please just don't play with me
My paper heart will bleed
This wait for destiny won't do
Be with me, please, I beseech you
Simple things, that make you run away
Catch you if I can

Tears fall, down your face
The taste, is something new
Something that I know
Moving on is easiest when I'm around you

So bottle up old love, and throw it out to sea
Watch it away as you cry
a year has passed
The seasons go

Please just don't play with me
My paper heart will bleed
This wait for destiny won't do
Be with me, please, I beseech you
Simple things, that make you run away
Catch you if I can


Waiting, day to day it goes through
My lips are sealed for her
My tongue is tied to a dream of being with you
To settle for less is not what I prefer

So bottle up old love, and throw it out to sea
Watch it away as you cry
Now a year has passed
The seasons go

Please just don't play with me
My paper heart will bleed
This wait for destiny won't do
Be with me, please, I beseech you
Simple things, that make you run away
Catch you if I can

(Fa Fa Fa la la la Fa Fa Fa la la la Fa Fa Fa La La La)



Summertime, the nights are so long
The leaves fall down, and so do I into the arms of a friend
Winter nights
My bedside is cold, for I am gone
And spring blossoms you to me

Summertime, the nights are so long
The leaves fall down, and so do I into the arms of a friend
Winter nights
My bedside is cold, for I am gone
And spring blossoms you...
To me

so there you have it :/
im really signing off now.
MUGGING TIME.

bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~~~~

i think im finally off my rocker :/
i was supposed to chiong bio today.
because, i lost my original copies of
the worksheet, chapter 18 cell division, chapter 20 molecular genetics.
(and, for some reason, my original chapter 22 our impact on the ecosystem also vanished off the face of earth.)
so well, i panicked because i lost my one day plus of blood, sweat and tears.
and all i could do was sit around and sulk. and swear.
so anyway, i decided to ask my friends to lend me their originals so i could photocopy on monday, after a maths session with my maths teacher and teck kin.
i was digging around and i actually tidied my room to find those shitties.
but for some reason they didn't turn up.
perhaps its cause i brought the work to so many places.
to my living room, to my dining room, to my room, to my class room, to the study area outside staff room, to the study area above grand stand, to the canteen, to the study area outside band room.
cause, (in all honesty,) i didn't know how to go about doing it.
and with the worksheet i brought my notes (needless to say).
so, i ended up misplacing them.
and, i go up to a mirror and say. oh dear, what a real douche we have here.
shit man.
so i panicked for 2 hours plus after i was done searching my room before i decided to trouble my friends and ask for help. after all, what are friends for right (: so i sent an sms, and i got a few replies by the time the day was out. so gerald lent me his copies of the notes on tuesday. thanks gerald^^
so i met up with gerald the noon of yesterday. i was actually planning to go earlier cause i promised my grandma i would accompany her to the market to grab some groceries at seven.
but as it turned out, i ended up waking at eleven.
damn. im sorry grandma D:
so anyway, i went to school. and then i met up with gerald and saw xian zhe who was polishing up his art work. gerald passed me his copies of the notes and i said i'd be going to bishan north to copy them and i'd grab lunch so you guys want anything? so anyway, i forgot how we bumped into shoki but we ended up going for lunch together LOL. xian zhe said he didn't want lunch so he sat in the art room polishing up his art work. so hardworking (: so anyway, went for lunch and then went to the bookshop nearby to copy the stuff. i didnt expect shoki and gerald to wait for me. thanks guys, you are darlings (: so anyway, i was planning to chiong bio after lunch but i ended up at the piano -.- i think my piano playing is really bad, i need a change of technique. i don't know, its just WRONG. so anyway, i was at the piano and suddenly JOEL came out of the band room and asked me for help on his mallet piece. so i helped him, though i've forgotten exactly how to read scores like that (shit man ._. ) so anyway, i got all confused staring at the piece at first but turned out that the rhythm was nothing (as expected ^^) but he needed help reading the notes. so i told him how and he sat down to figure out the notes by himself. i wasn't much of a help really ^^ so joel was practicing his mallets and some way or another i ended up at the drum set. i don't have much talent for it i guess. after an hour of picking up the basics, im still stuck at the basics. so anyway, i went to pick up lunch for joel and i got myself a drink and told him to be a good boy and keep practicing (which he did. needless to say) and i stayed with him till six. then i went home with him and gerald. and after i got home, i didnt manage to get anything done. oh well ): zero productivity at home.

so um, getting back to the point. where was i? :o

SO UM, ANYWAY...i woke up today at noon to have chinese tuition. and then i sat down and forced myself to do bio. so after half an hour i barely got through half of the mcq, and i only understood a half of chapter 18. so i forced myself at three thirty to sit down with molecular genetics.

then i fell asleep.

to wake up at six in the evening. i decided i couldn't do much anyway, so i went on sleeping till seven. so i watched the kdrama thats on channel u now while eating dinner with my parents and my grandma. so here i am now, typing this blog post when im supposed to briefly run through my bio syllabus. after all, mugging the entire bio syllabus in one night is...fatal.

isn't it high time i start studying now. :/

tch.

my arms are shaking.

my head is pounding.

my heart is beating. (needless to say.)

when my heart takes over my mind, she's the only person who's in my head.
nothing else gets into it.
when i try to study,
my mind drifts. (well, that probably shows i've no talent for studying.)
and when my mind drifts,
i start thinking about you.
and i go;

oh my!

oh gosh!

oh damn!

cause, i'd end up thinking about you throughout the night.
well anyway, don't call it obsession.

at least, you're not my wallpaper.
(i am.)

screwed up, ain't it.

sometimes i go,

why am i killing myself over someone i barely know?
tch.

now ain't that right.



studying = happy.

hmmm?

WHAT????????

cause, when i study, i care less.
evident, when i was reading my bio notes on my way home,
i sang out loud.
cause, i thought i cant be bothered to give a fuck.

care less= happy.
therefore studying=happy.
what's wrong with me now.
i just finished half a bag of peanuts.
lesson learnt, a guys ball sac may be big, but who knows, the balls in there are tiny, perhaps.

oh whatever,

i don't want to care anymore.

YO.

MY ROOM NEEDS A MAKEOVER.



don't it.

WAYY COOL.

awesome.
try out ALL OF ME, by Jon Schmidt. its a nice song. though i cant play it at all :/ FINE I'VE NO TALENT FOR PIANO KAY! i sweated the hell of myself trying it. damn sticky by the end of that half an hour trying siah :/
well, the enlightened guy don't seem to be coming here, so hell if i have to kill my blog for you bitchass.
be updating about hawaii soon, i don't want the beautiful memories about hawaii to leave me. :/
and, i still have pop to post about.
i wonder if i've posted about the concert yet,
AHHH forget it. i'll worry later.


tmrw wat remedial ar? :o

@enlightened, the whoever who had the atrocity to fill my honey's tagbox with a shitload of nonsense.

just can't get this off my back.

personal attacks aren't new. and somehow, they remind me of politics. whatever, that's irrelevant.

what, may i ask, exactly WHAT has he done to you to inspire you to such deeds? WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE SOMEONE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW? from what i can see, all you have demonstrated is your ARROGANCE and your IMMATURITY. your snide remarks don't even make a proper critique. you think everyone as people inferior to yourself. you think you're the one with the ultimate gavel, but i'm not sorry to say you have no right to do that. What makes you think you're better than others? Is your brain more useful than a supercomputer? do you have super-powers and are actually saving people everyday of their lives? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, GOD?

so what? do you live for attacking people? is it your life-blood, your fun, laughter, peace and joy? i'd be ashamed to call you a fellow human being, let alone a friend. ARE YOU HUMAN AT ALL? does insulting people, using words because you think you're good at it, and seeing people getting worked up using a never-ending, wordy and pointless argument that's never getting anywhere give you a good laugh? the target might be putting up a tough front, but how about the fact that he's feeling worse than shit inside? sure, you're having fun. but what about the other's feelings?

Yes, you live for attacking people. and yes, you do it for kicks. but do you have to do it online, in a virtual world, where you think nobody knows who you are? if you're doing so online for that purpose, i'm sorry but i'll take it upon myself to term you a BLOODY COWARD. because that's what you are. If you wanna judge people's character, offend them or whatever, DO IT IN THEIR FACE, MAKE THEM KNOW WHO YOU ARE. do it in REAL LIFE, and if you're huddled in front of your computer 24/7, GO GET ONE!

the hell i know why you want to this. if it's for attention, do it outside! scream at cars which nearly knock you down! complain aloud about the weather! just don't do it in such a way that you HURT OTHERS' FEELINGS. that's just being cold-blooded mean.

i do hope you express remorse about this, to whoever you've given this kind of shit to. stop showing how arrogant and immature you are. YOU MAKE ME SICK.


and you're stopping me from doing my homework, because you've got me worked up like hell and i can't focus. damn you.

whoa, hot.

"Lucy" - William Wordsworth

series of "lucy" poems by William Wordsworth - lit teacher showed us today. i thought they were nice.

LUCY

by: William Wordsworth (1770-1850)

I.




TRANGE fits of passion have I known:

And I will dare to tell,

But in the lover's ear alone,

What once to me befell.




When she I loved look'd every day

Fresh as a rose in June,

I to her cottage bent my way,

Beneath an evening moon.




Upon the moon I fix'd my eye,

All over the wide lea;

With quickening pace my horse drew nigh

Those paths so dear to me.




And now we reach'd the orchard-plot;

And, as we climb'd the hill,

The sinking moon to Lucy's cot

Came near and nearer still.




In one of those sweet dreams I slept,

Kind Nature's gentlest boon!

And all the while my eyes I kept

On the descending moon.




My horse moved on; hoof after hoof

He raised, and never stopp'd:

When down behind the cottage roof,

At once, the bright moon dropp'd.




What fond and wayward thoughts will slide

Into a lover's head!

'O mercy!' to myself I cried,

'If Lucy should be dead!'




II.




HE dwelt among the untrodden ways

Beside the springs of Dove,

A Maid whom there were none to praise

And very few to love:




A violet by a mossy stone

Half hidden from the eye!

Fair as a star, when only one

Is shining in the sky.




She lived unknown, and few could know

When Lucy ceased to be;

But she is in her grave, and oh,

The difference to me!




III.




TRAVELL'D among unknown men,

In lands beyond the sea;

Nor, England! did I know till then

What love I bore to thee.




'Tis past, that melancholy dream!

Nor will I quit thy shore

A second time; for still I seem

To love thee more and more.




Among the mountains did I feel

The joy of my desire;

And she I cherish'd turn'd her wheel

Beside an English fire.




Thy mornings show'd, thy nights conceal'd,

The bowers where Lucy play'd;

And thine too is the last green field

That Lucy's eyes survey'd.




IV.




HREE years she grew in sun and shower;

Then Nature said, 'A lovelier flower

On earth was never sown;

This child I to myself will take;

She shall be mine, and I will make

A lady of my own.




'Myself will to my darling be

Both law and impulse; and with me

The girl, in rock and plain,

In earth and heaven, in glade and bower,

Shall feel an overseeing power

To kindle or restrain.




'She shall be sportive as the fawn

That wild with glee across the lawn

Or up the mountain springs;

And hers shall be the breathing balm,

And hers the silence and the calm

Of mute insensate things.




'The floating clouds their state shall lend

To her; for her the willow bend;

Nor shall she fail to see

Even in the motions of the storm

Grace that shall mould the maiden's form

By silent sympathy.




'The stars of midnight shall be dear

To her; and she shall lean her ear

In many a secret place

Where rivulets dance their wayward round,

And beauty born of murmuring sound

Shall pass into her face.




'And vital feelings of delight

Shall rear her form to stately height,

Her virgin bosom swell;

Such thoughts to Lucy I will give

While she and I together live

Here in this happy dell.'




Thus Nature spake -- The work was done --

How soon my Lucy's race was run!

She died, and left to me

This heath, this calm and quiet scene;

The memory of what has been,

And never more will be.




V.




SLUMBER did my spirit seal;

I had no human fears:

She seem'd a thing that could not feel

The touch of earthly years.




No motion has she now, no force;

She neither hears nor sees;

Roll'd round in earth's diurnal course,

With rocks, and stones, and trees.

(taken from http://www.poetry-archive.com/w/lucy.html)

wah lau really busy now dammit :/
study study study.
here's how my schedule looks like now~

monday - school as usual. maths remedial. stay back in school do work/slack/talk about sex/whatever.

tuesday - school as usual. maths - stay back do addmaths papers 2. until like 6 'cause i hate addmaths and i really hate it when i can't get the hell to the bottom of this or that. whatever lah -.-

wednesday - school as usual. bio/chem "remedial"/test. then after that, lunch, milk coffee/tea and mug maths.

thursday - school as usual. english if have (:o) then CHIONG HOMEWORK/ study.

friday - school as usual. pure humans? then see maths teacher. whatever la.





pop is over, miss chssb. ALOT. post about pop soon, but im not done with hawaii :/ whatever, byebye.

whoa.

you know, i don't think i deserve a point of view in this, because i think i've been really selfish today. and impatient, and only thinking about myself. but to hell with that, i'd just go on writing this.

so this morning, i woke up like every day i do, discovering that i had fallen asleep the night before studying (or at least trying to). and like the recent days, i look at my clock.

7am.

shit, i muse, getting the hell out of bed. so, after the quotidian, everyday, mundane morning fiasco, i left the house at about 7:21am (phone clock). which was pretty reasonable timing, since i live like one mrt station away from my school. and though my place is hell of a long way to the mrt station (and yet, not really), i can rush it and get to the station within five minutes instead of the usual 10 - 15 (if i really take my time). and then, i passed by st gabriel's primary school like i always do.

and then, i meet the annoying people like i always do. the parents who drive their st gabriel's kids to school.

well, i have to cross the driveways. the first led to out of the school, and the next led into the school. now let me say this.

THANK GOODNESS FOR TRAFFIC RULES.

as we all know, when we wanna enter a main road from the exiting driveway of a building or estate, we hafta watch out for the other cars zipping one after another on the tarmac like the devil was after them and when we find an "opening", we pass through, turn (swerve for some people who just does stuff like that for kicks), and join in the shitload of cars zipping on the tarmac like the devil was after them. so, there would always be a queue of cars waiting for the guy in front of them to get-the-hell-into-the-main-road-you-damn-slow-bastard so they could wait their turn to get into the main road too after dropping their kids off like bird droppings in the school. this one was easy. no need for being hella annoyed, no need to be irritated. just walk like nobody's business in between two cars in that queue. after all, they're not gonna budge until the guy in front of them does. no kicks.

so, i crossed that driveway with almost no trouble at all. except that when i was halfway through walking in front of a car waiting his turn to get the hell into the main road, the guy in front of him got in there. and the vehicle moved, and stopped jerking a little like it was raring to go and was like telling me to hurry up you tiny piece of shit. the driver! does he/she give a fuck about whether they'd bang down an innocent teenager of sweet sixteen who's not half done with his education yet? i didn't stop walking. but i turned around and glared at the vehicle without caring whether the driving is looking back for a full five seconds. like i always do. damn bastard. wanna kill me is it? but, this kind of thing is normal. get this kind of shit everyday. so i just dismissed it. it's insignificant; majorly insignificant to what could happen after that. and i walked some more.

and i passed the drive-in; turn-in entrance of St Gabriel's Primary. the cars were entering non-stop one after another. as usual. but because i was in a rather impatient mood today, that pretty much pissed me off right away. let me pass you dipshits! HELLO there's a guy waiting, can't one of you just take the initiative, let the boy pass first? but, that can't be expected of them. you had to make yourself obvious to them, practically throw yourself in front of the next car in line. of course, to avoid sustaining any injury, your timing has to be on the spot. so, i practically threw myself to the next car in line after the car in front went and entered the school. the car behind me, thank goodness its driver has a conscience, jerked back right away so i could pass. but i still glared at the driver. annoying shits with no initiative. what's with the adult workforce of singapore nowadays anyway!

as i passed the overhead bridge outside the school, and as usual, had to pass a couple of domestic helpers bringing the kids to school. so, being smart, they walked on the inner side of the asphalt to be on the safe side. no, i don't have a problem with that. but them, and the kids they're bringing along! they take up almost the whole of the pavement. so, being the gracious Singaporean student i am, i let them pass as i twisted to get past them, keeping my balance in check so i don't end up falling like a clumsy idiot onto the tarmac where cars zipped by like the devil was after them and getting flattened into human paste. they don't pull the kids out of my way, knowing full well it's my responsibility to ensure i don't knock into the kids advertently or inadvertently or their parents will be hot on my tail and writing to forums in newspapers so my school would kena from them so i would kena from them and have to do something like 100 cip (ahem, ahem) etc etc. so anyway, i twist by, feeling like a ninja, like i always do. passing dangerously close to two public buses to avoid the pedestrians with kids in tow, i truly felt like a ninja, twisting to evade the buses (omg that's DANGEROUS) and the pedestrians (who gives a fuck about them anyway). but they don't even show the slightest bit of appreciation, and they don't pull the kids out of my way so i don't have to risk my precious life for them.

'cause they know i'm a ninja.

oh, GOODNESS. i am SO NOT A NINJA PLEASE. i always LOSE to band peeps in ninja.

whatever, that's irrelevant.

the best part is that they had these qian bian faces on that really deserves a slap or two which kind of gives it away that they don't give a fuck. not the slightest bit of concern! but, that's normal what. they're only accountable for the kids, not the idiotically gracious secondary student who's running late in front of them. like, so what if you kena knocked down by that bus. none of my business what. plus, it's your own fault for thinking you're a ninja and being stupid and hence ending up in the way of that *shiver* mechanical monster. they don't even appreciate my graceful, fluid, smooth ninja moves. but to hell with that, it's not the point. let's move on. (well, ain't this a fallacy now.)

so when i finally did cross the road, and when i finally reached the MRT station (finally!), i looked up at the signboard that says when the next train was coming.

MARYMOUNT 2 minutes.

(i take the train towards Marymount when i go to school.)

argh damnit! i don't wanna miss the train i've to wait hella long for the next train! so i ran, with my bag on. well, my running totally phails (man i really need a workout soon. later people tell me their grandma can walk faster than i run-.-) so i didn't run at full speed, just ran. but my side of the station is the lift entrance of the platform, which was so damn slow. i don't have time for the lift.

(here's a tip for the admins of lorong chuan mrt. oy friend, why not construct escalators at both sides of the platform? then i don't need to run one whole round to get to the escalator to reach the train faster 'cause my grandma can carry me faster than the damn slow lift.)

so anyway, i ran one whole round to reach the other side of the platform and rushed down the escalator. the doors were still open and i thought, YES IM GONNA MAKE IT!

and then, this kaopei guy walked out of the train and blocked my entrance to the train door.

i wanted to scream at him. scream at him to get the fuck out of my way damn it, i ran just to get to the train so i won't miss it! my instinct kicked in - when i see a person walking in front of me, my body's instincts are to stop and let the guy pass first, perhaps i'm instinctively gracious - i stopped.

and the doors slid back together, with a dull, soft, boom.

the guy looked over his shoulder and looked at me. i glared at him. i was about to say something when he just cocked his eyebrow at me and walked off with an air of indifference.

shit man, i hate that attitude. APOLOGISE you bastard. didn't your parents ever teach you manners?

as a result, i had to wait for the next train. people sitting around in the station were giving me weird looks, perhaps laughing at me inside. hmph, just try standing in my shoes right now. KEEP STARING! just keep staring. how typical of singaporeans.

thank goodness the next train didn't take so long to come. anyway, that girl i passed when i ran to catch the train saw me when she came out of the lift. she glanced at me and gave me a cold stare for a moment. then she turned and walked away. good thing she did. i would have walked up to her, ask her what's your problem slap her hard for a good measure if she kept staring. damn bitch. tch.

now, as we all know, the circle line was recently extended such that the Bartley end of the line continued to stretch from Bartley to Dhoby Ghaut. so now, there is a new influx of people and that made the station crowded. fuck that, i hate crowds. crowds that are made of individuals absorbed in their tiny little lives (including me). crowds who obviously ain't having any fun being in a crowd.

anyway, as usual, a whole lot of people came out of the train and made a beeline for the escalators. well, being in an impatient mood, i decided to go for the stairs instead.

okay. now, this is stupid.

when i came out top on the staircase, i found this whole shitstorm of people surging to me, like one whole crowd against one me. so i brushed past a lot of people who gave me those dirty looks again, the qian bian looks, and i wondered why they were all heading in the opposite directions with me and making my life so difficult.

that's when i realised i was the difficult one - those coming out of the platform, keep to your left. and i went, SHIT. i tried to get to the left, but i wasn't allowed to. damn! and here i am trying to be a good guy.

so anyway, i thought the second escalator was faster, so i took that one. but there was this idiot walking up the escalator in front of me was so hella slow! i wanted to just tell him to get out of the way, you're walking way too slow to be in front of me. join the standing people on the other side of the escalator if you're gonna be a bastard who walks so damn slow! so i stamped hard on the escalator to get his attention hello hello im behind you can you please fucking walk faster! he didn't change his speed. ah well, forget it. reached the top of the escalator already. drop it then. but i was still pissed off. so i proceeded to walk towards school.

the walk from J8 to school progressed without event. that is, until i reached the school gate at 7:42 am. and then i remembered.

SHIT MAN I FORGOT THAT CHINESE BOOK.
(there goes my four dollars.)

being the good boy i am, i immediately felt guilty. because i left it just like that on my table.

so, later on, during morning assembly, lindanwen asked the people who didn't bring the damn book to stand up, go stand in front. briefly, i considered pretending that i had the book and get away with it. but what about pride? i decided pride was more important. i forgot to bring it. okay, you win. i admit. stand in front lar! it's not just about honesty yo. it's bout PRIDE as well. i bet there are tons more people than everyone who stood in front this morning. i don't know about their pride, but let's drop that - i don't want to arrow anyone.

but, as it turned out, it didn't feel so great to be standing up there and looking at the sea of people who brought their books so that they wouldn't need to pay another 4 dollars. and their books were closed. well, never mind that. i would do the same if i did bring it. i think my standing posture and my look was a bit too defiant, teacher came along and told me to stand properly. so i stood properly.

as i looked back to the people at me, i picked out a few faces that i found particularly obvious - sticking out like sore thumbs. one was directly in front of me. looking up, giving an idiotic grin and laughing to himself. well, never mind him. another - stretching up slightly to get a better view of the teacher speaking, perhaps? - eyes shifted and roved over the line of standing people in front, then back to the teacher again - all this while, open-mouthed, an expression once described as uncouth. well, anyway, never mind that. and then what's that - a familiar face craning the neck below it, looking distinctly at the row of people standing in front? and another! and another! and then a pair of eyes - what's that? my imagination, of perhaps a glimmer of contempt reflected in the mirrors of one's soul?

and the best part is, these are people we spend time together with, talk to, smile with, laugh with, whatever - and about every single day. now i understand, why it's so annoying to stand up there and have people stare at you like a freak show, like some exotic beast which has recently made its arrival in the local zoo. in future, i shall not stare at people who are being punished up in front or in any other manner. we're all friends, there's no reason to make your friend feel uncomfortable at any point of time. we're so caught up in our own lives; running our best in this rat race to excel in academics and in future, rapidly ascend the corporate ladder or perhaps be one of the most eminent and significant persons of society. as such, with the quotidian hustle-bustle of daily life - forget being bothered by anything, there's barely time to breathe - we are so rarely called upon to be friends, so rarely called upon to be a source of comfort to others. are we really fit to call ourselves friends when we are, in fact, a source of discomfort to our "friends", even in the most intangible, insignificant ways?

perhaps one might say, i'm overreacting. another might say that i'm just being selfish. and yes, both are true. i'm overreacting and i'm being overwhelmingly selfish, as well as being a glaring hypocrite. but isn't it not too late to make a change? still, interesting how a mundane recount of a typical morning can become such a -*scrolls up and back down again* - hell of an essay would be an understatement. i wanna change. i don't wanna be such a pain in the ass any more. its such a pain in the ass to be a pain in the ass.

i wanna be a considerate, a nice, and a good friend. i want to be a source of comfort to my friends, i don't wanna be a source of discomfort to others. now actually, i don't know how my conclusion should look like because i've pretty much dried up already. so i think i'll just end lamely :/ i don't wanna be a pain in the ass to others, and i believe i can become a nice guy who isn't ever a pain in the ass to anyone at all. well, first i have to get rid of this habit of being stupid (like writing this instead of mugging bio). lucky the stuff i studied for bio is still in my head right now. and now i'd like to quote from DARYL. "go on, make a change." if we want to, we can stop being pains in asses. just; be more considerate. be a nice person to everyone you can possibly be nice to. be a source of comfort to everyone you can possibly be a source of comfort to. and hopefully, we'd have this one day when everyone is smiling, everyone is glad to be everyone's friend.